Yipee-Ki-Yay Mother*bleep*fu*bleep*kr

"That Maggie Q sure looks hot..."
"Shut up chrome dome... she goes for younger guys!"

Yes!!!! *bleep* John Mc*bleep*Clane is back! Our erst*bleep*while wrong-place-at-the*bleep*-wrong-time *bleep* NYC cop is once again *bleep* thrust into a *bleep* situation where he's up against... *bleep*... HEY!!! waittaminit....

Okay... I think I got it under control now, (just remembered that this was a PG-13 flick, read: no F-Bombs!) .... okay, where was I? Oh right...

John McClane IS back and he's still the king of the wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time scenario. Director Len Wiseman (of the recent "Underworld" series) brings our favorite tough-as-nails NYC cop into the millenium by pitting him against a group of cyber-terrorists bent on taking the country hostage through a series of internet-based attacks aimed at crippling the computer and technological capabilities of the good 'ol US of A.

Bruce Willis reprises his role as John McClane, ever wise-cracking cop who has a knack for really bad timing. This time however, he is joined by Justin Long (Dodgeball, Waiting) who plays Matt Farrell, a whiz kid hacker who just might be the key in pulling the curtains down on the bad guys. McClane's daughter Lucy also makes an appearance in this installment; played by a very hot Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Sky High), finally we get to see if the apple falls far from the tree. The cast is rounded off by Thomas Gabriel as played by Timothy Olyphant (Seth Bullock of Deadwood fame) along with his trusted aide Mai Lihn played by the ever magnificent Maggie Q (Mission Impossible 3) as the cyber terrorist baddies hell bent on bringing America's Internet and Telecommunications capabilities to its knees.

Lets get to the nitty gritty people... this is not a "thinking" movie; lets get that out of the way right off the bat. The Die Hard series wasnt known for having oscar-worthy plot material. The script has so many holes that it could be mistaken for swiss cheese. But then again, like a lot of fans out there, from time to time... I get that strong craving for cheese and that it dont matter if it's riddled with holes or not.

But holes it does have. First off, although Maggie Q was a joy to watch on-screen, her partner Timothy Olyphant somewhat fell short of my expectations for a Die Hard villain. It might be a typical case of mis-casting but I somehow cant help but compare him to the great Alan Rickman. But then again the first installment in any successful movie series is really tough competition. Although Hans Gruber (Rickman) was hardly the perfect villain in all of celluloid, he was nevertheless one of the most formidable adversaries for our erstwhile hero McClane. Olyphant, in his zeal to be cold and methodical, doesnt give audiences the menacing aura for them to connect with.

Or maybe that's because of the lack of F-Bombs in this incarnation.

That brings me to my second point: Hollywood, in its typical blockbuster fashion has toned down the angst and Mclane's token bad-ass-ness (is that even a word?) in exchange for getting more viewers into the cinemas. Although a credible marketing ploy, I cant help but wonder if this is another indication of MPAA influence over the freedom of artistic expression. hmmm... too deep? well, it could just be this humble reviewer's penchant for FRIGGIN' CUSSWORDS in action movies that made me feel a little less comfortable with a Fu*bleep*kless McClane script... (dang! this is a PG-13 review... gotta remember that).

One of the things that remained constant anyhow were the action sequences that the previous flicks were known for. Viewers are taken for a thrill-a-minute ride from start to finish; signed, sealed and McClane-Express delivered! Although CGI were used in several sequences, the result still gives its trademark "WOW" effect. It really doesnt matter if Bruce Willis is a balding 52 year old veteran, he can still make those stunts look believable.

Although generally looking like a big chunk of swiss cheese, Die Hard 4.0 comes through in its intent on giving viewers a fun movie to watch on the big-screen. For those who missed John McClane, Die Hard 4.0 is still a welcome return of a great action classic. I didnt watch it expecting a mind blowing story... I watched it to see things go BOOM! And Boom it went... John Fu*Bleep*kin McClane style!

Yipee-Ki-Yay Mofo....

Tuesdays we "Roll Out"...

Prime: This is it Megatron... One shall stand... One shall fall!;

Megatron: not if I out-stare you do-gooder!

Like most typical boys in the early eighties, yours truly was very much into cartoons. I was enchanted by the way these hand drawn images were made to move and depict feats only possible in the mind's eye. From the early Disney flicks that I watched on Betamax (precursor to the VHS format, for those not in-the-know), to the early saturday morning cartoon marathons made me anticipate the weekends all the more. But there was one particular cartoon series that got me excited over everything else. At the time, it was'nt shown during weekends. It was oddly placed at a primetime slot (on a Tuesday no less!) at one of the leading TV networks... The Transformers.

I remember having watched the first episode of Transformers (sometime in 1984 I think), literally glued to my seat in front of the boob-tube; I didnt even dare to go take a piss during commercial breaks for fear of missing out on what came next. The story was fairly simple, millions of years ago in the farthest reaches of space, a war was going on in the technologically advanced planet of cybertron. This war was unique due to the fact that its participants were'nt your typical flesh and blood alien entities. Instead, the warring factions were sentient robots who morphed or "transformed" into different vehicles, equipment, weapons etc. On one side was the heroic Autobots and on the other the destructive Decepticons. At the end of that first episode, I kept thinking to myself... "the next episode is still a week away... why cant it be Tuesday everyday?"

Fast forward to a couple of years later, the first Transformers animated Movie came out in 1986. It was all the eye candy a kid like me was hoping for and more. It had excellent animation (far superior to the regular series) and a great soundtrack ( to this day I cant forget the line from stan bush's song "The Touch": "You've got the Touch... You've got the Poweeeer!!!"--- okay, THAT was weird... heh heh). Sadly, it also gave me one of the earliest shockers of my youth, it featured the death of Autobot leader Optimus Prime: one of the most noble characters in cartoon history. Although the series continued after the movie... it wasnt the same for yours truly. I watched a couple of episodes of the continuing series but something was missing... It didnt have Prime in it. Sadly, I let go of my infatuation with the Transformers. I think that was when I realized that it couldnt be "Tuesday" forever. With a heavy heart, I moved on with the rest of the week.

But then as fate would have it, almost 20 years later, the recent boom in big-screen translations of early TV hits prompted the powers-that-be (in the name of Steven Speilberg and Michael Bay) to conceptualize a LIVE ACTION TRANSFORMERS film based on the hit cartoon series! I cannot even begin to describe the elation that started to swell up within this 30 year old fanboy. It was like having a long lost friend call on you after years of separation. From the first gossip that spread on the internet, to the teaser trailers that cleverly did not show too much of the material... I was hooked once more! I thought to myself... Tuesday's back!!!

The present incarnation of the movie stars Shia Lebeouf as Sam Witwicky, your typical teenager dealing with the normal shtick of growing up and who is on the verge of buying his first car. Little does he know just how important he will be in the coming conflict. Lebeouf is joined by rising star Megan Fox as Mikaela, the token hottie who at first doesnt notice Sam in school but is inadvertently cast alongside our teenage hero in a battle of robotic proportions. The story is centered on a mysterious cube known as the "All-Spark", the source of conflict of the Autobots and Decepticons. Having found clues that the "All-Spark" may be here on Earth, events unfold that warrant a final confrontation between these robotic entities. Whoever posesses the "All-Spark" will ultimately decide the fate of the universe.

Mostly aimed at *ahem* my generation, Michael Bay's Transformers succeeds in bringing into the fold newbies to the genre. Good word-of-mouth played a pivotal part in the apparent box office success of this film. Although most fans were a bit hesitant that Bay was on the helm of translating a much loved classic onto the big screen, the finished product and its mind-blowing visuals ultimately allayed their fears.

Fans are treated to fast-tracked action sequences that have come to be a trademark of Michael Bay. Although this aspect has been the source of scrutiny in Bay's recent flicks; in this particular case it actually fits! Admittedly some sequences got to be a little confusing at first because some of the autobots and decepticons tend to look the same in robot mode. But as a whole, it was still absolutely thrilling to see these "iconic" characters come to life and interact with real live people (oh, the wonders of technology!). A friend told me that one particular scene stood out when they watched it: the very first time that the Autobots met with Sam and Mikaela in the alley. That was the first time that viewers saw the whole heroic gang transform into their robot forms... and yes... I got goosebumps the first time Optimus Prime transformed from a Semi into the colossus we all know and love.

One aspect that probably helped the film's success would have been the "nostalgia factor" (Watch out for the one-liners used in Bay's movie that were picked up from either the original cartoon series or the first animated flick). Speilberg and Bay counted on this for the movie's success and their gambit paid off. As of this writing, Transformers has already surpassed Spider-Man 3 as this year's big winner for the highest grossing movie in its first 7-day run in the US. With this development, fans are almost assured of a sequel or three in the coming years.

At least THIS kurly fan hopes so, because I cant help but hope..... that somehow... "Tuesday is just around the corner" :)